Review: Consent to Love

I have a rule.

If I finish a book, I won’t give it less than two stars.

So, Consent to Love gets two stars.

I didn’t love this book.  Actually, that’s a lie.  I loved it because it was so supremely awful that almost everything about it made me laugh.

Meet our hero, Kane. Or Howahkan, his birth name.  He is a Native American who lives on a reservation outside of small town New Mexico.  He is drawn to our heroine, Ana.  She is a small town barmaid who is twenty-four and only has two sexual experiences to her credit.  Really.  Two.

In spite of feeling drawn to her, Kane feels like they have no possible chance for a relationship because of the prejudices Ana would face for being with a Native American.  Still, he wants her, so he proposes a weekend of nothing but sex with him on the reservation.

Sounds legit, right?

There were a lot of problems with this book.

First of all, the dialogue was terrible.  Seriously, it was awkward and unrealistic.  No one talks like this in real life.  And it didn’t even make sense half the time.

Example: “Have you ever thought you wanted something, but in truth, it was more of a dream or fantasy of how you imagined it would be?”

The answer to that question is, “No.”  Or better yet, “What are you asking me?  I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

Other examples:

“I’m perfectly fine with us being together for sex benefits.”

“Do you know how much your dark nipples teased me all day long?”

“I feel like I’ve been twirling in a circle since meeting you, and any moment I’m going to fall down.” (It’s okay if you’re singing Ring around the Rosie.  I was.)

And my personal favorite:

After Kane pushed her away because they had no future, he comes to her two weeks later and says: “You have no idea how many nights I’ve lain in bed wishing your hands were touching me.”

Now, I know that Ana is supposed to be a small town girl (living in a lonely world), but I’m fairly certain she can count to fourteen.  It’s been two weeks!  Not two years.

Not to be outdone by the dialogue, the narration was equally painful.

Examples:

“He ran his hand over his bare chest, imagining the way her hardened nipples would skim his skin.”

“She found herself wanting to tear off the material, to expose her breasts and let the breeze tickle her skin.”

“The way his body moved up and down with the horse spoke volumes of the prowess he had with horses.”

Yes, you actually just read that sentence.

And then…there’s this:

“The pressure in his jeans grew, and not wanting to go back inside and waste his pleasure on himself, he headed toward the stables…”

GTFO!

If that doesn’t bring to mind disturbing images of his prowess with horses, nothing will.

And now we get to the sex.  Because really, that’s why we all read erotica, no?

There was one scene in which a naked Ana sits on a saddle (that Kane made for her) and she rides it while sucking his cock.  It should also be noted that she’s so into the riding and the sucking, she’s dimly aware of him coming in her throat.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m ALWAYS aware of that, okay?

And finally, there was this:

“I want to kneel behind you as you stick your ass up in the air and let me spray come over your tight hole.”

It should also be noted that this was the moment my reading partner, Laura, flounced.  She has only flounced a book with me one other time.

And just a couple of other things:

1.)    Cocks do not smell like sandalwood.  Not unless you are dipping them in men’s fragrance.

2.)    Creaming pussies squick me out.  If your pussy is creaming, you need to see a doctor.

3.)    No man should ever attempt to (even partially) stick his dick in a woman’s ass using only the lubrication from her pussy.

So, there you have it.  Read at your own risk.  Though, I freely admit that I was entertained by the sheer awfulness of this book.