So, it’s no secret that I’ve started seeing someone again. And while this whole dating thing seems completely new to me after being married for so long, the concept of dating and romance is definitely not foreign. I write about it all the time. I read about it all the time. But I think that a problem lies in that very fact.
The new guy (I say “guy” with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek because he’s a man) is wonderful. Mid-forties and professional. And the fact that he is older than me is a real turn-on. I can’t even lie about that. He’s a science man, which is completely different from me because I am all about people and relationships in my job. And maybe it’s our differences, but he has been making me smile non-stop for almost three weeks.
We are reaching that point in our new relationship where things are heating up and the physical stuff is imminent. And honestly, I can’t stop thinking about how fic and smut in general might leave me disappointed.
For example: We all know I love cock. I always have. And I’ve been with some men who were well-endowed and some who…well, they weren’t. But it struck me last night when my bestie, Marvar said, “You know…his cock is going to be normal, right? It’s not going to be an Edward or Rob cock.” And while a part of me wanted to run out and buy the new man some green pants to test out the theory, a part of me knows she’s telling the truth.
Also, I love a dirty-talking man. Most of the “wards” I write about all have a delicious, filthy mouth. But is that reality? Maybe for some men. But I’m not so sure about the new guy who told me that I make him nervous. The same guy who went radio-silent for twenty minutes after I sent him a suggestive text. And then called me because he was astounded that “dirty texting” was on the table.
Seriously, what will I do if he doesn’t tell me how tight and wet I am while we’re fucking? What if I can’t come on his command? What if he doesn’t even command it????
See ladies, this is my dilemma. Has good smut ruined me forever? Or has it invariably changed me for the better? Is the reality going to be disappointing? Or is the reality going to be so much fucking better because that’s exactly what it is? Real.
You tell me.
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